Why do autowallahs do that?

You know, look down at their crotch at regular intervals while driving? It's not like they're detachable body parts that will fall off if you're not careful or looking frequently enough. Uff.

I've noticed it on several occasions. And i notice it particularly because i've had a couple of bad experiences with autowallahs around town. So everytime their hands or eyes stray there, i'm thrown into immobility. After the first instance that happens though, my eyes keep going there just to make sure they're not being assholes.

But it's funny, really. I haven't figured out why they keep looking at their crotch. Or maybe they're looking at the ground below their crotch, at their feet. But why would they want to do that? I mean, there's so much more interesting stuff to look at out the windscreen - a butt crack out to take a breather from the tight jeans the woman on the Kinetic is wearing; or a man slowly pulling his girlfriend's hand forward and caressing it; or the middle-aged pot-bellied pseudo-youngster on the Honda Activa picking his nose, thinking he's being surreptitious but not actually. Better still, they can crib in Kannada about how the traffic is, or discuss in glee the extra money they've asked from their poor passengers.

I guess it can be attributed to them being men: apparently, the species thinks about sex once every six seconds. And i guess their manhood is just symbolic of it. Some sort of subconscious reflex.

Ugh. Whatever.

Auto Art.

On my way to a restaurant last week in an auto that had the usual depiction of women and tragic ends to a love that is never quite forgotten. It's quite interesting how the same theme is protrayed differently each time. I remember one auto that had a girl sitting by the sea and crying, and another - several actually - that claimed one should trust a snake if need be, but never a woman.

Interesting concepts, don't you think?

Auto Art.

Who says only Bangalore has fundu-looking autos splashed with colours and portraits? This one i saw when i went to Mumbai for a friend's wedding. Seemed like a good one to start off my photoposts on autos, considering i have a car to drive me around now.

Close Encounters of the Dubious Kind.

I drove from home to office today for the first time. And i brushed an auto bumper.

Fully afraid already, bumping into the auto was almost the last straw. As i saw the autowallah get out of the driver's seat, i put on my most puppy-dog look. He marched out, saw the bumper and went, "Kya madam?"

With my hangdog expression, i went, "Sooorry bhaiyya!" and "Chod do bhaiyya, sorry bhaiyya!"

He saw my expression and tried to control the smile that played on his face, but it showed through. Slightly. Then he turned to my driver, seated next to me, and went, "Yen Saar?" and my driver goes, "Kalista idini odsodue. Yenu agilla bidi."

So then he quietly went away, and i continued to office.

Sigh. If only all autowallahs were like him.

Integrity.

I have come to realise that no matter how many cars you own, you better keep alive your connections with the infamous world of autorikshaws. Here's why.

Red, my car, has a driver who takes him cruising around town, dropping my mother and me off to our respective workplaces, taking us shopping, eating out and do plenty other stuff. There have been times though, when Red's services have been unavailable to me. Like this morning, when the driver went on leave and i had no choice but to take an auto. From my grandmother's place, which is in the back of beyond.

Sure i can drive, but i refrain from doing so simply because i'm too young to be imprisoned for life, for committing mass murder on the roads.

There were five... no, eight autos waiting to bait wary travellers at the Jagdishnagar bus stop. True to tradition, a good three-quarter of the drivers were missing from their autos, while the rest left behind carried the legacy of immobility forward by refusing to go anywhere.

One autowallah finally agreed to drop me off at 100 feet road - a tactic that i often bring into play when the autos refuse to see me to my destination. It requires changing autos from mid-point or wherever, but at least i'm not wasting time.

Anyway, i got into the auto while sending up a silent prayer of thanks.

Close to CMH Road the autowallah asks me, "CMH Road or 100 feet road?" Confused because i'd forgotten i was travelling in an auto, i said "100 feet road...no, CMH road. Actually, any auto stand where i can get autos from easily." He nodded his comprehension, and a took a turn that i hadn't expected in a million years. Reason? I knew not of a single auto stand within a 1 mile radius of that place. Unless things had changed so drastically in the couple of months of my travelling by car that new auto stands had cropped up there.

Our man had a different tactic in mind. He stopped all empty autos he met on the way, asking if they would go to Residency Road. The second auto agreed, and i got off after paying the fare in the auto that i'd come in. Just as i went to board the second auto, the driver asks me, "Kidhar madam?" and i say, "Residency Road". He made a clucking sound and zoomed out of there. Without me in his auto!!!!

My first auto was still there, so i told him incredulously, "That auto you stopped is gone!" The man just murmured his sympathies and took off too! The cheek! I was left stranded in the middle of nowhere - at least a nowhere for autos - without any means of transport!! I fumed and fumed because i had to walk up the road in extremely uncomfortable heels till i found an auto willing to take me where i wanted to go.

May those two autos burn in hell. At least there was a saving grace - neither asked for any extra.

Auto drivers meet their match.

Oh, how many times have i wished for quick wit and sharp retorts; never more when i come across smart-alecy auto drivers who think they're God's gift to those without an alternative mode of travell. I fumble, stutter and stammer. And by the time i can think of a suitably smart one, the moment's lost.

Thankfully, plenty of my friends and acquaintances make up for my lack of smart mouthedness. Here are some of my all-time favourites:
1. CJ to autowallah demanding extra: "Kyun bhai, aur kya kya de rahe ho hamein?"
2. Yam to autowallah demanding extra: "Kyun, gaadi mein AC hai kya?"
3. Ramesis to the Nth auto refusing to come to Residency Road: "Karachi chalogey kya?"
4. Nitasha to Nth auto refusing to take her home: "Nai bhiayya, aap batao kahan jayenge, hum waheen chale jayenge."
5. Ramesis to an auto that stops: "Aagey jao, nai chahiye."

I shall keep adding to this as and when i hear some smart ones.

Mannubhai motor chali pom pom pom!

I am now the proud owner of a car. Phew. The relief. No more autos.